Shannon Says 4



The ol’ inbox has been stacking up on me. Gotta get to some of these peoples’ problems.

Here’s one now.

Dear Shannon- My 4 year old granddaughter is becoming difficult to discipline. She recently stole a trinket at a store, and has started talking back. She has also hit her preschool teacher. What should I do?

Shannon Says- What should you do? What should you do? You should start lifting weights with your right arm, that’s what you should do. That way, it won’t get so tired when you are wearing her spoiled little butt out with a belt every ten minutes. Look, the truth is that I don’t spank my kids near as much as I joke about, but that’s only because I don’t have to anymore. Raising kids is just like building a house. It all starts with a good foundation, and these early years is where you lay that down. Spank away, Granny.

Dear Shannon- I’ve been married for over 20 years. My husband and I separated for a short time, and he befriended another woman. I don’t think there was sex involved, but he throws their relationship in my face a good deal. I’m an attractive lady, in good shape financially, and he is becoming more and more emotionally difficult to deal with. What should I do? P.S. We do not have any children.

Shannon Says- Let me get this straight. You’re hot. You make good money, and you have no kids to worry about? Why are you even taking the time to write this? Pack your bags, girl. This is the one life you get, and you’ve wasted a quarter of yours with this dead beat. Oh, and as far as his “friendly” relationship with this other woman… I want you to Google the great philosopher BizMarkie to read his take on “friendly relationships” between men and women.

Dear Shannon- My husband’s sister is getting married in a couple of weeks. I’m very happy for her, but my in-laws have not invited my parents to the wedding. When my brothers were married, my parents made sure to invite my in-laws. This has hurt my parents’ feelings, and mine as well. What do you think about this?

Shannon Says- I’ve got news for you sweety. I can’t speak for your mother, but I’ll bet every red cent I have that your dad doesn’t give a damn about going to another wedding anyway. Invitation or not, just take your mother to the wedding with you. What are they going to do, turn you away? And let your father go play golf or watch football like every other man gets to do.

Dear Shannon- My father threw me a huge wedding this past spring. We had about 300 people attend, many of them business acquaintances of my fathers. My father wants me to write a thank you note for each gift, including those from people I do not know. I say what good would that do? What do you say?

Shannon Says- I say, you are the reason men hate weddings. These people traveled from God-knows-where, missed playing golf and watching football, spent hard-earned money on a gift so they could suck up to your father, and you are too good to write a simple thank you card? Geez lady, I hope it was an open bar at least.