In the news…
Not that much going on at home this week that I can talk about here in the paper, so I turned to the internet for column ideas.
The first story I read was about people saying how the Weather Channel and politicians overrated Hurricane Irene. Critics said that the storm wasn’t close to being as bad as everyone predicted, and there should not have been so many evacuations. My reaction to the story was “Um, what?”
Thirty eight people died from this storm so far, and it was overrated? Just how many people have to die for these idiots to constitute a bad storm?
Now listen, the first thing you have to do is take the Weather Channel with a grain of salt. They will over-hype any storm, because they fight for ratings just like every other television channel. That’s totally understandable.
And politicians? Well, they have to scream “Run!”- especially after Hurricane Katrina. You remember Katrina, right? When politicians, weathermen, scientists and everyone else spent a week begging, pleading and doing everything they could to get the people of New Orleans and the surrounding areas to evacuate. We all know that a lot of people didn’t evacuate, and the government came out looking like the bad guy in the end. So yes, Hurricane Irene might have been a little overrated by those in charge. Do you blame them?
As I was writing the paragraphs above, I had my television on CNN listening to the news. A religious nut came on, saying that Hurricane Irene was some kind of payback from God for the way we live and act in this country. Or maybe it was a lesson of some kind. A divine occurrence, I think he called it. I stopped typing long enough to wonder 1) Holy cow, it’s 2011 and people still think like that? And 2) Why is there a religious nut on my news channel? I’m not watching Fox News, I’m watching CNN. I shake my head at the thought of some CNN producer thinking this was a good idea.
I turn my attention back to the internet and see that Florida has recently passed a law that requires those that sign up for welfare to pass a drug test. If they pass the drug test, they can receive help. If not, they get no help until they pass the drug test next year. Several other states are thinking about passing this law- sadly, Texas is not one of them.
Critics of the law say that it is an invasion of privacy, and it doesn’t save much money in the long run because less welfare recipients than you think take illegal drugs. I say of course they should be drug tested. Every job I’ve ever had required me to pass a drug test. If an accident happens at work, I have to take a drug test. Most of the time when you sign up for insurance, you take a drug test. Not one time have I been offended, or considered it an invasion of my privacy. Stop trying to live off of someone else, and you can get high all you want. Drugs don’t bother me one bit, mooching off of my tax dollars does.
And finally, I read that Dancing With The Stars has announced their new lineup of B-level entertainers that will dance this season. Now, except for Erin Andrews and Kim Kardashian dances, I’ve not watched ten minutes of this show in all the years it’s been on. It doesn’t interest me in the least. But then I see that Nancy Grace is on the roster, and I start daydreaming about her embarrassing herself so bad that she would quit her show and never come back to t.v. again…
Hmm, divine occurrence?
Love the column? Hate the column? Have an idea for a new column? Go to http://robconews.com/ or http://shannonscasta.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment or suggestion.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Disaster Class
I’ve taken a few weeks off lately. Actually I thought I was done writing, period. I didn’t know if anyone even read the column anymore, and frankly, I had run out of things to talk about. And then? Well, then I attended HAZMAT class.
Firemen, volunteer firemen, and everyone else who works around chemicals, at some point, has to take this class. It teaches you how to deal with hazardous chemical spills, what level of protective gear to wear, how to read placards on vehicles that ship chemicals, etc.
You also don those hot, sweaty chemical suits in 105 degree heat and practice dealing with leaks, spills, and injuries. I must have lost 10 pounds worth of sweat with all the water pouring out of me.
If I had to sum it up in just a few words, it would be “40 hours of Hell”. That’s nothing against the teacher of the class, he did a great job. And the mock disasters that they have set up at this fire school were pretty neat. It’s just that that kind of stuff doesn’t interest me at all. But then again, what does interest me?
One of the things that made this class Hell on me was the people I took the class with. Every one of them seemed like great guys, but they were just different people that I would ever hang out with. From what I gathered, it was a bunch of firemen, volunteer firemen, and safety gurus from huge plants and oil rigs. And all of them took themselves way, way, way too seriously.
For instance, if you asked a yes/no question in the class, the answer would never just be yes or no. To a man, the guys I went to class with answered a yes/no question by saying “affirmative” or “negative”. Every. Single. Time.
Everyone knows a guy that still has a keychain hanging from his belt loop, one of those real tall wallets hanging out of his back pocket, and uses fireman talk everywhere he goes. Well, imagine spending eight hours a day for five straight days with 25 of those guys.
Like I said- all great guys, just different people from what I would normally hang out with.
And then the kicker- One day we were going over a quiz, which was multiple choice. The first question was an easy one, with the answer being “B”. From the back of the room I heard someone say “Beta”. Before I knew it, instead of “A, B, C, or D” every answer I heard was either “Alpha”, “Beta”, “Charlie” or “Delta”. I’m 100% serious.
After about the third question I started laughing out loud and said “Wow, really?” Nobody even understood that I was questioning their lingo. To them it was as natural as me saying “A, B, C or D”.
Needless to say, by the middle of the third day I was ready to pull my hair out. “Fireman guy taking himself too seriously” is the one disaster that they didn’t teach me how to deal with.
I’ve taken a few weeks off lately. Actually I thought I was done writing, period. I didn’t know if anyone even read the column anymore, and frankly, I had run out of things to talk about. And then? Well, then I attended HAZMAT class.
Firemen, volunteer firemen, and everyone else who works around chemicals, at some point, has to take this class. It teaches you how to deal with hazardous chemical spills, what level of protective gear to wear, how to read placards on vehicles that ship chemicals, etc.
You also don those hot, sweaty chemical suits in 105 degree heat and practice dealing with leaks, spills, and injuries. I must have lost 10 pounds worth of sweat with all the water pouring out of me.
If I had to sum it up in just a few words, it would be “40 hours of Hell”. That’s nothing against the teacher of the class, he did a great job. And the mock disasters that they have set up at this fire school were pretty neat. It’s just that that kind of stuff doesn’t interest me at all. But then again, what does interest me?
One of the things that made this class Hell on me was the people I took the class with. Every one of them seemed like great guys, but they were just different people that I would ever hang out with. From what I gathered, it was a bunch of firemen, volunteer firemen, and safety gurus from huge plants and oil rigs. And all of them took themselves way, way, way too seriously.
For instance, if you asked a yes/no question in the class, the answer would never just be yes or no. To a man, the guys I went to class with answered a yes/no question by saying “affirmative” or “negative”. Every. Single. Time.
Everyone knows a guy that still has a keychain hanging from his belt loop, one of those real tall wallets hanging out of his back pocket, and uses fireman talk everywhere he goes. Well, imagine spending eight hours a day for five straight days with 25 of those guys.
Like I said- all great guys, just different people from what I would normally hang out with.
And then the kicker- One day we were going over a quiz, which was multiple choice. The first question was an easy one, with the answer being “B”. From the back of the room I heard someone say “Beta”. Before I knew it, instead of “A, B, C, or D” every answer I heard was either “Alpha”, “Beta”, “Charlie” or “Delta”. I’m 100% serious.
After about the third question I started laughing out loud and said “Wow, really?” Nobody even understood that I was questioning their lingo. To them it was as natural as me saying “A, B, C or D”.
Needless to say, by the middle of the third day I was ready to pull my hair out. “Fireman guy taking himself too seriously” is the one disaster that they didn’t teach me how to deal with.
Advice Column
Know what we haven’t done in a while? I haven’t answered any of your questions about life, love and lunatics. Let’s get to some of those.
“Booger” in Gause wants to know “Shannon, what do you think of the debt ceiling debate? And should I listen to the right or left?”
Booger, I’ll tell you what I think. I think it’s pretty funny to listen to these highly educated puppets argue, bicker and fight over something that my wife or countless other bill-paying spouses could take care of within a week. The first seven or eight years of our marriage she had to find ways every payday of paying huge bills with small paychecks, deciding which bills to pay, who to put off until next time, and exactly how much we could spend on what. And trust me, she got paid a whole lot less for her trouble than these politicians do.
Booger, try this from now on. Starting today, every time you see a politician on t.v.- republican or democrat- go to YouTube and download about thirty minutes of a comedian named George Carlin. It’ll put politics in perspective for you. It also works for the crazy Jesus nuts that get to you from time to time.
“Jealous Much?” wrote me from the northern part of the county. She says “Dear Shannon, my best friend loves to sing and she is really good. I’m afraid that when we grow up, she’ll be really famous and won’t remember me. Any advice?”
The way I see it “Jealous”, you’ve got two options here. You can either crush her voice box and make it look like an accident, or you can pay attention in school, get good at math, and try to be her manager. Get it in writing now, while she’s still poor.
“Taken Advantage Of” told me that he lent $1,000 to two relatives a while ago, and still hasn’t been paid back yet. He said he’s dropped a few hints, but nothing came out of them yet. What should he do?
First of all, “Taken”, why would you mix family with money in the first place? That’s a huge no-no, everyone knows that. Now, about getting the money back…
Try blasting it on Facebook first. That might shame them into paying you back. If that doesn’t work, go to the nearest biker bar, pay two guys $100 to take a ride with you, and scare your family members to death. You’ll still come out $900 ahead.
If you’d like some great advice, simply write to Shannon Says by going to news@robconews.com or shannonscasta.blogspot.com and leave a comment.
Waving the ban-ner
I was having one of those days. You know the kind of day I’m talking about- you work your butt off, do everything right, try to make smart decisions with your money, and still nothing goes right. You can’t seem to keep up, much less get ahead.
A plumber had just given me an estimate on replacing some pipes, I was having expensive lawn mower trouble, and my kids were whining about something we couldn’t go do or something they couldn’t have.
Then I turned on my computer and the clouds parted and the sky got a little brighter. One of the headlines read “Restaurant bans kids”. I swear I heard angels singing Hallelujah.
Earlier that day I had been eating lunch at a restaurant in Bryan, and a lady with a kid picked the table next to me. Within seconds of watching this little monster, I knew I had seen this movie before. I was about to either stuff down my food as fast as possible, or spend the next forty-five minutes listening to this lady shshshing her kid over and over and over. So I got up and switched tables. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, I didn’t give the kids a dirty look or anything, in fact I avoided eye contact all together and tried to not even let on what I was doing.
But somehow the lady caught on to my plan, and stared at me like I was Casey Anthony with the plague.
Look, nobody is saying that I don’t like kids. Kids are fine, most of them. And had I been at a McDonald’s or Chuck E Cheese, it would have been different. You have to expect unruly kids at those places. That’s why I avoid those establishments like the flu.
The restaurant in the internet story banned children from the ages of six and under. What a great, great idea. Only I say take it a step further. I say until a kid is eight years old, keep them at home. Or at least limit the public places in which you take them. There are tons of places that cater to kids. Most towns have some sort of children’s museum, a park, a jail cell… There is no reason to take a small kid to a nice restaurant that serves drinks. Chances are, grown-ups are there to get away from their own children.
That’s the one thing Hollywood couples do right. Madonna, Brad and Angelina, Tom Cruise and his wife, all these famous stars all do the same thing. They have kids one day (or, go to some third world country and adopt one) and you don’t see their kids again until they are drug-addicted teenagers on the cover of magazines.
I wish all places would ban kids, but I know it won’t happen. For some silly reason, the whole damn world loves kids. Anything with the word “kids” attached to it is a huge business and makes huge money. Don’t even get me started on kids sports… That’s a whole other column.
Can we at least agree to do this? Let’s pass a law that says if you take your kid to a restaurant that serves beer, and your kid disturbs even one customer, you have to buy the house a round of drinks right there on the spot.
That way, we can get tipsy enough to put up with your kid.
Love the column? Hate the column? Have an idea for a new column? Go to http://robconews.com/ or http://shannonscasta.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment or suggestion
I was having one of those days. You know the kind of day I’m talking about- you work your butt off, do everything right, try to make smart decisions with your money, and still nothing goes right. You can’t seem to keep up, much less get ahead.
A plumber had just given me an estimate on replacing some pipes, I was having expensive lawn mower trouble, and my kids were whining about something we couldn’t go do or something they couldn’t have.
Then I turned on my computer and the clouds parted and the sky got a little brighter. One of the headlines read “Restaurant bans kids”. I swear I heard angels singing Hallelujah.
Earlier that day I had been eating lunch at a restaurant in Bryan, and a lady with a kid picked the table next to me. Within seconds of watching this little monster, I knew I had seen this movie before. I was about to either stuff down my food as fast as possible, or spend the next forty-five minutes listening to this lady shshshing her kid over and over and over. So I got up and switched tables. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, I didn’t give the kids a dirty look or anything, in fact I avoided eye contact all together and tried to not even let on what I was doing.
But somehow the lady caught on to my plan, and stared at me like I was Casey Anthony with the plague.
Look, nobody is saying that I don’t like kids. Kids are fine, most of them. And had I been at a McDonald’s or Chuck E Cheese, it would have been different. You have to expect unruly kids at those places. That’s why I avoid those establishments like the flu.
The restaurant in the internet story banned children from the ages of six and under. What a great, great idea. Only I say take it a step further. I say until a kid is eight years old, keep them at home. Or at least limit the public places in which you take them. There are tons of places that cater to kids. Most towns have some sort of children’s museum, a park, a jail cell… There is no reason to take a small kid to a nice restaurant that serves drinks. Chances are, grown-ups are there to get away from their own children.
That’s the one thing Hollywood couples do right. Madonna, Brad and Angelina, Tom Cruise and his wife, all these famous stars all do the same thing. They have kids one day (or, go to some third world country and adopt one) and you don’t see their kids again until they are drug-addicted teenagers on the cover of magazines.
I wish all places would ban kids, but I know it won’t happen. For some silly reason, the whole damn world loves kids. Anything with the word “kids” attached to it is a huge business and makes huge money. Don’t even get me started on kids sports… That’s a whole other column.
Can we at least agree to do this? Let’s pass a law that says if you take your kid to a restaurant that serves beer, and your kid disturbs even one customer, you have to buy the house a round of drinks right there on the spot.
That way, we can get tipsy enough to put up with your kid.
Love the column? Hate the column? Have an idea for a new column? Go to http://robconews.com/ or http://shannonscasta.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment or suggestion
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)