Got some “Great” changes to make



I just celebrated another birthday this past week. Well, maybe “celebrated” is the wrong word to use. When you’ve had as many birthdays as I have, it’s just a day to reflect on what all you have and haven’t done in life. You use the day to remind yourself how far you’ve come, but also remind yourself how far you still have to go.

One of the very, very few good things about getting older is that you get to watch a younger generation grow up right before your eyes. In the last couple of years, my wife and I have witnessed three or few young couples get married and start their lives together.

And so now- in fact any minute now- my niece and her husband will have their first child. That will make me Great-Uncle Shannon. How old-manish does that sound? Seriously, that’s false teeth old.

I don’t know what I’ve been doing the last nine months, but I’d better get ready now. Great-uncles have good stories about their youth to tell children, and I don’t have any good stories. Well, let me rephrase that… I don’t have any appropriate stories to tell the young man. I guess I’m going to have to make up some stories, or just steal a couple from someone else.

That will be easy, but some other changes won’t be. For instance, I’ve got to switch from Levis blue jeans to kacky britches. And I’ve got to pull them way, way up. Somewhere around mid-stomach. I might even get me some suspenders.

I have to brush up on my thumb tricks, too. You know, the “got your nose right here” thing, and “watch me take my thumb off and slide it” trick. All kids love that, and all great-uncles know how to do it.

I’m already pretty good at the “horse eating an apple” knee tickle, because I still use that on my kids from time to time. Of course, my kids are a lot older and tougher, so I’ll have to adjust the pressure so I don’t hurt the little guy.

I’m probably going to start keeping me a bag of candy with me, too. Chocolate, maybe like a bag of snack sized Snickers or something. Both of his parents are pretty healthy and in good shape, so I’ll let them worry about giving him healthy stuff to eat like fruits and vegetables. When he comes to Great-Uncle Shannon’s house he gets what he wants. Who the Hell wants fruits and vegetables?

Along the same lines, I’ve got to start making sure I’ve got plenty of root beer, RC Cola, and orange soda on hand. Ooh, and lemonade in the summer. Might even put me a tire swing up somewhere, too.

And finally, I promise to always keep a $2 bill with me at all times from now on. Back in the day it was quarters, but inflation has blown that out of the water. A kid can’t buy anything with a quarter or two anymore.

Besides, he’d probably try to swallow the quarters anyway.