Cornucopia of thoughts

My wife and kids haven’t done anything too dumb or funny to tell you about this week, and I’m sure everyone is sick and tired of political talk. So I figured I’d throw together some weird web stories for you this week. A cornucopia of thoughts, since Fall is finally in the air.

The first one is in honor of Halloween, since we just celebrated that holiday.

An eight year old New York girl is really named Boo!. Her mother and father- who I would bet a whole paycheck have ties to my last story in this column- named her that because she was supposed to be born on Halloween day.

“We didn’t want to call the baby “it” while my wife was pregnant,” said the girl’s father. “So we started calling her ‘Boo!’.”

“It was a joke that became reality,” the mother said. “And now, Halloween is extra fun.”

Oh, I’m sure it is. And I’ll bet that little girl doesn’t get beat up at school or made fun of at all, right? Please. I still get made fun of for having a girls’ name. You’re telling me that “Boo!” doesn’t take a little ribbing from time to time? You just know that every time a teacher calls out “Boo!” some other kid in the class says “Tee, sugar free. Your momma works at H-E-B.” Haha, my kids will love that one.

Our second story comes from Colorado, and it sounds eerily familiar to me.

Sanford Rothman, 63, of Boulder, woke up to a “bang” the other night and felt his left knee buckle. Rothman, who sleeps with pain pills and a 9 mm next to his bed on the night stand (genius), says he was sleep walking when he accidentally shot himself.

The reason this story sounded so familiar to me is because last Sunday I was watching football and dozed off on the couch. I woke up to a “bang” on my forehead.

When my eyes stopped watering, I saw my wife standing there with a rolling pen. “Um, you were baking in your sleep again,” she told me. “Luckily I ran in here and stopped you from hitting yourself again.”

Ahh, I’m a lucky man, folks.

And finally, have you ever seen the bumper stickers that say “Pork- The other white meat” or the commercials that say “Beef- It’s what’s for dinner”? Well, I think I might have a new one for you.

It seems just the other day I read something that said alcohol drinkers were the longest living group of people in the world.

But researchers in London recently revealed a study that says alcohol is more dangerous than illegal drugs such as cocaine, heroin, ecstacy, etc.

The researchers said they studied the effects of all known drugs, legal and illegal, and found that alcohol scored the highest when it came to addictiveness, harmfulness to one’s body, environmental compact, economic cost, and the breaking up of families.

I can see it now, people. I’ll be driving down the road when some redneck passes me and his bumper sticker will read “Chrystal Meth- The healthy alternative”.