Where’s your Tat?



I see on Facebook where a buddy of mine is showing off his new tattoo. I’ve wanted another one for some time now. Tattoo, I mean, not a buddy.

I’ve had a tattoo of a spider on my right calf since I was about 23 years old or so. And before you ask, let me say for the one trillionth time- yes, I know I have a spider on my leg. That was only funny once.

No, I take that back. That was never funny.

I must of had a reason for choosing to get a spider, but to tell you the truth I can’t really remember what it was. Like everything else I did when I was in my early 20’s, it’s either a little fuzzy or it doesn’t really make much sense to me now. I’m sure I was going through a tough time and it symbolized something to me. It’s ironic how something that seemed so dramatic to a 23 year old can seem so trivial when you turn 37.

Anyway, if I ever got another tattoo I wouldn’t know where to put it. I hardly ever go without a shirt- even at the beach- so to put one on my chest or my back would be a waste of money and ink. Nobody would ever see it.

I could get one on my forearms, but then it would be seen too much. There are times in a man’s life (What if I meet the President or someone else of importance?) when you don’t want to show off a tattoo. I don’t want to walk around in long sleeves in hot weather just to cover up a tattoo.

My buddy got a picture of barbed wire wrapped around his bicep. I don’t really have the guns for that anymore. Not that I ever looked like Popeye to begin with, but these days I look a whole lot closer to Olive Oyle when it comes to my upper arms.

Now let me stop right here and say something. I don’t want all you young fellas out there to read that last line and take it as an invitation to try and run up on me some day. This old bull might be a little older, but I still have enough horns to get the job done. Damnit.

Anyway, I’m not even sure what tattoo I would get if I found a place for it. I’m too old for barbed wire and things that make you look tough. I can’t pull that kind of stuff off anymore. And I’ve always thought that big murals and pictures of loved ones were a little too gaudy and obnoxious.

I guess I would get the names of my children or their initials or something. Speaking of my kids, I wonder if they will ever get tattoos? Once they move out, I mean. Their mother and I would never allow it until then, anyway.

I’m pretty sure my oldest daughter will at some point. All it would take is for one or two of her friends to get one, and she would follow the herd. I worry about her when it comes to that.

I know for a fact that my youngest daughter will get one because, well, that’s what people do in prison. And don’t “Oh, Shannon ” me. Everyone has that one kid that you just know is going to do some time at some point in their life. I hope I’m wrong but…

My son? I don’t know if my son has it in him or not to ever get a tattoo. He’s not the dramatic type, so I doubt he will ever feel the need to prove his toughness or make a statement with body art. Plus, he’d probably be too scared of the needles.

Well, maybe my youngest daughter will get enough tattoos for the whole family.



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