And now my holiday begins...

Shhshsh. Do y'all hear that? That, my friends, is the sound of piece and quiet. The holidays are finally over, and my kids are mercively on their way back to school. I swear, I don't see how you home-school parents do it.
Look, save the hate mail and phone calls. Nobody is saying that I don't love my kids. It's just that, well, I love them even more when they are in school.
Now that I'm pretty much only working one job, I've got a lot of free time on my hands. My schedule now is seven on, seven off. And I love my seven off. When I tell people my schedule, they usually say "Wow, it's like having having a vacation every other week." And that's true, that's about how I feel about it, also.
But you know what ruins vacations more than anything? Kids.
Usually on my days off I'll sleep til about 7 or 7:30 a.m., get up and eat a little breakfast, then if I have any errands to run I run them. If not, I sit and watch a little t.v. The bottom line is this- when I'm off, I usually do what I want to do, when I want to do it. During the holidays, however, all that goes to Hell.
When they are home I have to worry about what they are going to eat. There are empty soda cans on the counter, the trash is always full, and someone will without a doubt leave their plate on the table for me to pick up.
If I try to go watch a little t.v., I have to wrestle the remote away from some little person that is watching Drake and Josh, or Phineas and Ferb, or some other silly little show like that.
And if I do manage to steal the remote, I've got about 30 minutes before my son starts yelling at me. "Hey Dad, what are we gonna do today? Let's go do something, Dad. What can we go do? Let's go do something."
The only time I really have to myself is if I happen to wake up really early, because they usually stay up late. Too late.
I, like any other red-blooded American male, enjoy a good old fashioned Rated-R show every now and then. Nothing too bad, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about movies that use cuss words, like regular people. And ones with a lot of blood. And, if there is a sex scene or two, well, that's just the price you have to pay to watch. Who am I to complain? Because I married who I did, the only time I get to watch good movies like that is at night, when everyone else is asleep.
But not over the holidays when the kids are awake. Hell, when they are in the room I can't even watch re-runs of Two and a Half Men. You ever tried to watch a good action movie with all the blood and guts and cussing taken out? It sucks. Someone with a bazooka blowing things up should never utter the phrase, "Ah, shucks!"
But all that is over now. My wife is back to work, my kids are back in school, and it's just me and the dog here in charge of the remote. And now, if you will excuse me, I believe Pulp Fiction is on the tube.