The Breakup

I’m glad you took my call. We need to talk, and I’m afraid it’s bad news. The reason I’m not doing this in person is because, well, I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through with it if I’m looking at you.
You see, Mexican Food, I can’t be with you any longer. Calm down, please. Let me explain. It’s not that I don’t love you, I swear. Surely you know that, right?
Yes, I know I’m throwing away some good years. But when I was younger, you didn’t seem to hurt me like you do now. You’ve seen me get out of the shower, Mexican Food, and you know we are no good for each other. I’ve got to do what’s best for me, and for my family.
I’ve always loved you, but lately I’ve been craving you more and more. Now I have to have you three, sometimes four times a week. A couple of days a week I’ll have breakfast tacos. Once or twice a week I’ll slam some enchiladas, or maybe an overstuffed burrito. I’m obsessed with you, and frankly I’m getting scared. I don’t know when it will stop.
It wouldn’t be so bad if I could just stay with the corn tortillas instead of the flour, and maybe just the meat or the chicken for filling. But I always have to have the potatoes, the beans, the sour cream… and the cheese. Always with the cheese. My God, how could I not love you?
What? Is there someone else? Yeah, I guess now that you mention it there have been a few times when I’ve strayed. The truth is, I’ve always enjoyed a good greasy burger. I’m a sucker for all types of sausage, and of course anything smothered with gravy will turn my head.
And yes, you know about the relationship I have with Bacon. But if I remember right, Mexican Food, more than once it was your idea to ask Bacon to join us. Does the phrase Bacon, Egg and Cheese ring a bell?
It’s important to me, though, that you understand I’ve always come back to you. You were my first love, and no one has made me as happy as you have over the years. The feelings I have for fajitas covered with onions on a warm tortilla will stay with me until the day I die, I promise. And don’t get me started on the Dos Equis with chips and hot sauce… good googly moogly.
But for the sake of my health, I think it’s better if we part ways for a while. I’m not saying forever- just until I lose some of this weight that’s bringing me down, you know? I mean, who’s to say that we won’t see each other once a week or so, when nobody’s looking?
After all, it’s only about twenty pounds that I need to lose. Give me a couple of weeks of drinking nothing but water, eating boring stuff like wheat bread, chicken breasts and salad after salad, and I’ll be good as ne…
What? Taco salad? With picante sauce, too? Damn girl, why didn’t you say something earlier? Fiesta!