I’ve got this



“What are your plans for today?” my wife asked as she got ready for work the other morning.

I told her since it was my last day off I thought I’d go have a nice breakfast, maybe go visit my mother, and finally fix the ice maker. We replaced our water heater a few weeks ago, and the refrigerator ice maker/ water shooter thingy never got hooked up again. I’ve been buying a bag of ice every week since then, and I was tired of it.

“Oh, that’s not a good idea,” she said. “Why don’t we just have someone come do that for us?”

I told her not to be ridiculous, that I was a grown man and there wasn’t any sense in paying someone good money to do a ten-minute job. Besides, didn’t I just replace a water heater?

“I’ve got this,” I said confidently.

“For one thing, you had half the neighborhood over here in our living room helping you. Secondly, my whole floor got drenched in the process. You know I have a rule that you aren’t allowed to play with your tools unless you have supervision present.”

So I promised her I wouldn’t touch it, and went and ate breakfast. I came back home, watched a little of the Early Show (Where the Hell has Maggie Rodriguez gone?), then promptly got started on replacing the line to the ice maker.

I studied everything good, took a few measurements, and even broke out my camera phone and took a picture or two. I made a trip to the hardware store, got together with the guys that work there- and even a couple of customers- to figure out what I needed, and came back home to get started.

“I’ve got this.”

Right from the get-go, things went haywire. I had taken the time to measure and mark a spot on the PVC pipe that was below a valve, but forgot to turn the valve to the “Off” position. So needless to say, as soon as the blade of my saw cut into the pipe I got a nice shot of hot water right to the face and chest.

When the water shot out, I lost control of the saw. That made me cut the pipe crooked, which made me cut more of the pipe than expected in order to get the cut straight again. “No problem,” I thought. “I’ll just run back to the hardware store and grab another part. I’ve still got this.”

So I made it back, got all the pieces cut how I needed them to be, and realized that I didn’t have any of that smelly purple glue stuff that you need when you put PVC together. Yep, back to the hardware store.

“Why don’t we just run you a tab ‘til you get the job done?” asked the hardware guy, who evidently doubles as a stand-up comedian.

“I’ve got this,” I told him.

So I made it back home again, got everything all glued up and ready to put together, and had to bend the pipes just a little bit to make them fit when…

Snap! Something up on top broke and I had water gushing out everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I don’t mean just everywhere in the water heater closet. I mean water was shooting all the way across the living room floor, all over the walls and windows, the bookshelf, everywhere.

My dog jumped off the couch, ran to the dining room, and turned around to bark at me. I don’t speak dog, but I’m pretty sure he was saying “Oooh, you’re in trou-ble!”

I was literally running around in circles trying to decide what to do when right on cue, my phone rings.

“Whatcha doin’?” my wife asked. I told her I was cutting off the main water valve to the house.

“Oh Lord, what did you do?” I explained to her what happened, and reassured her that I had everything under control now. But yes, the floor got a little wet. Again.

“But don’t worry,” I said. “This is the last time you have to worry about wet carpet. The next time I’m off I’m putting in hardwood floors. I’ve got this.”

“Oh Dear God.”