What to wear?



Hey, we’re all family here, right? Well then I have a question for you. How in the Hell do all you guys have cool clothes to wear all the time?

I’m not talking about the women reading this. I understand how you have clothes, because you go shopping every now and then. But how do your men always show up with cool stuff to wear? Do you buy it for him? How do you know what he likes to wear? And how do you keep up with his size? I don’t even know my own size half the time.

For the past year or so I’ve been noticing other men’s clothes. (And yes, I’m well aware that isn’t the manliest thing I’ve ever said. But remember, we are family.) Whether my wife and I are at a restaurant, or I’m at one of my kids’ games, or just hanging out playing poker or something, lately I always notice what other guys are wearing. And it’s always better than what I’m wearing.

I’m not sure when this happened, because just a few years ago I was about even with everyone else. But I guess I got busy with kids, work, family and stuff like that. I just never think about shopping for clothes until I have to. And even if I did think about it, there’s always something else that needs to be paid for.

I was looking at some pictures the other day, and came across a couple of photos that were about three years old. It suddenly hit me that the shirt I was wearing in the picture was the same shirt that I was wearing now, three years later. And- here’s the bad part- it’s considered one of my nicest shirts.

Once I thought about it long enough, I got up and went to my closet. What a sad, sad sight.

I’ve got a funeral or wedding jacket (whichever one I’m attending at the time), a plain white button up shirt that goes with it, and my “going out” shirt- a long sleeve button up with stripes.

I’ve got three short sleeve button ups that I’ve had for years (one of which I’m wearing in the photo), one polo shirt that is way too tight on me, and a couple of old sweaters and hoodies. Half of those are Longhorn sweatshirts that I couldn’t wear last winter because they couldn’t win a game.

Speaking of the Longhorns, I have a 2005 National Championship t-shirt in my closet. And I still wear it. A lot. The other ones either have Franklin Cowboys or Mumford Mustangs on the front.

Pants? I’ve got two pair of jeans that I can work in, and one pair of nice jeans that are still nice and new only because I haven’t been able to button them for the past two years. Hence I don’t wear them.

And thank God I haven’t been to a wedding or funeral in a while, because the tan slacks that go with the nice jacket and shirt are at least fifteen pounds away from fitting. And I don’t own a nice belt, either- my belt has homemade holes punched out.

Don’t even get me started on the footwear. I have a pair of flip flops, an old pair of Nikes, and some steel toed work boots in the bottom of my closet.

So my question is, how do guys today end up with nice clothes to wear? Do they go buy a few items at a time? Or just go load up two or three times a year? And how do they keep from feeling guilty about spending the money?

My wife said to me, “Just take a hundred bucks out of your poker account and go shopping. Look for sales.” I told her you probably couldn’t buy a nice pack of underwear for a hundred bucks nowadays.

And speaking of underwear- I’m glad I’m married. If I were dating, I wouldn’t want anyone to see mine.



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