Rent-A-Kid



It just occurred to me this week that I’d better start saving up for Christmas presents. I didn’t realize that December 25 was so close until all the pages from Toys-R-Us catalogs started showing up in my sock drawer, on the bathroom mirror, and in my pants pockets.

I can’t find anyone to bring me my phone when it rings, but let a toy commercial come on t.v. and my living room resembles Gattiland with all the kids that pop up.

In fact, the holidays have snuck up on me so fast that I don’t think I have the money put back to buy much, so I’ve devised a plan to make the kids pay for their own presents. You know, like men do for Father’s Day, birthdays and Christmas.

What I’ll do, I’ve decided, is start a kid renting service. Listen, you might not think so, but a kid or two comes in pretty handy from time to time. I think I might make a little change here. Enough to get them a toy or two at least, and maybe even make a little profit when it’s all said and done.

Tell me what you think:

Rent-A-Kid.

All kids are current on their shots, and in great shape due to playing sports. We have three models to choose from, so take your pick and enjoy.

Rheagan- Eleven year old female. Pretty as a picture, and eats like a bird. Great for light duty house cleaning, babysitting, and spelling of words (sixth-grade limit, please).

Need a top-notch tattle-tale? This is the one for you! Send Rheagan along with your spouse or teenage child, and get a full report upon return. Also great if you have excess money in the budget that you need to get rid of. Just take this little angel to the mall and watch her go!

Renters of this model may want to wait until at least 10 a.m. to pick up. She’s not a morning person.

The going rate is $10 per hour Monday-Friday, or $15 per hour on weekends.

Trevor- Nine year old male. Great chick magnet for teenaged boy to have. Whether you are at the big game, church, or just hanging around town, take Trevor with you and watch the girls melt (only works if you are young enough not to be the father).

Also good for outside chores, such as sweeping the sidewalk, bringing in firewood, and even mowing the yard. Push mowers only, folks. He isn’t quite tall enough to reach the pedals on a riding mower yet.

Renters of this model must show proof of ability to use Google, in order to answer the gazillion questions per hour that Trevor will ask.

The going rate on Trevor is $10 per hour Monday-Friday, or $15 per hour on the weekend.

ACT NOW and get Rheagan and Trevor both for just $15 per hour Monday-Friday, and $20 per hour on the weekend.

Jenna- Eight year old she-devil, I mean female. Gorgeous curly hair with big blue eyes. Make Jenna mad and see those big eyes actually turn blood red and spin like a slot machine!

Jenna has extraordinary copy-cat skills, and is absolutely fearless in the face of danger. She is our only model that has already had stitches, so she is well battle-tested.

Hard of hearing? Not to worry. This model screams everything she says, so you’ll never lose track of her in a crowd. She’s also an animal lover, and doesn’t mind sharing a snack with the family pet from time to time.

Renters must have plenty of cash (she likes fashion) and never, never look her directly in the eyes (she takes it as a challenge).

The going rate for Jenna is- well, we’ll pay you $10 per hour Monday-Friday, or $15 per hour on the weekend.