We fix weedeaters and screen doors
I’ve got this neighbor, let’s call him Jack. His name really isn’t Jack, but I forgot to ask if I could use his real name and I’m writing this column at 4:30 in the morning, so we’ll have to go with Jack for now.
Anyway, Jack is one of these guys that can make, build and fix anything he puts his hands on. Seriously, he’s like “Bob the Builder” on steroids. And it’s ticking me off. First he did a whole bunch of cool stuff to the yard, then he re-roofed the house, now he’s adding on another room- all by himself. And it looks like a professional carpenter did it.
The bad thing is that my wife and my mother-in-law make hurtful little comments all the time, like “Look at Jack, he sure knows what he is doing over there,” and “Boy, Jack is coming right along with that new room, all by himself.”
What they are really saying is “Dang Shannon, Jack can do all this stuff around the house, and meanwhile your daughters can’t shut the door to their bedroom because it might not open again without a butter knife. And you can’t do anything about it.”
Oh I’ve tried to be the guy who fixes things around the house, it’s just not me. I re-roofed the little house where we used to live, and we ended up with a foot-sized whole in our bedroom ceiling. I’ve replaced the doorknob to our daughters’ room twice, and both times I somehow locked myself on the wrong side of the door. I even started painting our dining room, until my wife told me to just get out of the way and let her finish it.
Tell you what, though. I might have finally turned the corner and gained a little ground on Jack. A few weeks ago we had about 300 kids over here playing in our yard. Actually, it was closer to seven or eight kids, but it seemed like 300. Anyway, one of them somehow pulled the screen door off it’s hinges. Don’t ask me how, but one of the hinges was literally torn right in half.
By the grace of God, I somehow replaced the hinges and got the screen door back to where it actually opens and shuts like it is supposed to. Well, almost like it’s supposed to- it kind of sticks just a little bit when you close it. But it still ended up way closer to being right than I figured it would when I started.
My wife actually clapped her hands and gave me a high five.
Then one day I was using my weedeater when it stopped working. I mean it just quit. It was working fine ten minutes earlier, then it just decided to stop altogether. So I smashed it against a tree and threw it on the ground a couple of times until it broke into pieces. And it you’ve ever used a weedeater in 90 degree heat when it stopped working you don’t blame me a bit.
Well, rather than buy a new one I took three broken weedeaters into my shed and came out a couple of hours later with one semi-working weedeater. I even used it for a few minutes in my yard. This time, the whole family lined up and gave me a standing ovation.
There’s no stopping me now. I’m thinking about putting a sign out here on my shed. “Scasta & Son Household Repair- we fix weedeaters…and screen doors”.
Who knows? I might even give ol’ Jack a job if he can hang with me.
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Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
"Friend”ly reminder
My wife and I went out to eat the other night, and as we walked past a table of guys eating dinner one of them looked up and said hello to me. He used my name, so I knew that we had met before- I just didn’t know where. Without even waiting for me to ask who it was, my wife filled me in on how I knew the guy.
That’s funny to me, that she has to do that all the time. A lot of people are terrible with names, but I’m way beyond that. I forget names and faces. I forget friends. I forget family members. Hell, my kids have to wear name tags half the time.
And I have no idea why I’m like that. I mean, I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m getting older, but I don’t think that is the whole reason either. I say that because I can still remember old addresses where I used to live, old telephone numbers, old t.v. shows and commercials, etc.
I can tell you that Michael Jordan came into the NBA in 1984, led the league in scoring ten times, had a scoring average of 31.5 points per game, and was named to the All-Defensive team nine times. But I can’t give you five names from my daughter’s softball team.
I can tell you that when I was seven years old my grandfather kept a bag of bite-sized Snickers under the seat of his red and black GMC pickup, but if you ask me the names of my wife’s co-workers I wouldn’t get past “Um…”.
I can remember every word from the book “A Separate Peace”, and recall deer hunting stories from Edwin Cooper’s column that he wrote five years ago. Yet my wife has to remind me what we have planned for the coming weekend five times.
I told you all that to tell you this. Sometimes when I’m at work I’ll have a few minutes to spare so I’ll play a game or look at Facebook on my phone. And every now and then, not often, someone will ask to be my friend on Facebook.
Now, let me tell you that I have right at 300 “friends” on Facebook. I know who about 20 of them are. What happens is that when someone sends a request, I go ahead and confirm it. Then every so often my wife will go through the list with me and re-remind me who everyone is.
Well, the other day I checked my phone and saw that two or three people requested that I “friend” them. I read the names, and as usual they sounded familiar but nothing special jumped out at me. So without thinking twice about it I went ahead and confirmed everyone on the list.
Ten minutes later my wife called me laughing so hard she could barely talk. I had confirmed the friendship of some porn sight, and everyone reading Facebook at the time saw that “ Shannon is now friends with so and so”. My wife didn’t recognize the name, so she looked at this lady’s profile and came across some pretty racy photos and comments. She said she knew it was a mistake, because I’m too old and out of shape to even think about doing some of the stuff this lady was suggesting we do together.
Well, all I can say is that’s one name and story I won’t be forgetting for a while. My wife will make sure of that, I’m afraid.
Love the column? Hate the column? Have an idea for a new column? Go to http://robconews.com/ or http://shannonscasta.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment or suggestion.
My wife and I went out to eat the other night, and as we walked past a table of guys eating dinner one of them looked up and said hello to me. He used my name, so I knew that we had met before- I just didn’t know where. Without even waiting for me to ask who it was, my wife filled me in on how I knew the guy.
That’s funny to me, that she has to do that all the time. A lot of people are terrible with names, but I’m way beyond that. I forget names and faces. I forget friends. I forget family members. Hell, my kids have to wear name tags half the time.
And I have no idea why I’m like that. I mean, I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m getting older, but I don’t think that is the whole reason either. I say that because I can still remember old addresses where I used to live, old telephone numbers, old t.v. shows and commercials, etc.
I can tell you that Michael Jordan came into the NBA in 1984, led the league in scoring ten times, had a scoring average of 31.5 points per game, and was named to the All-Defensive team nine times. But I can’t give you five names from my daughter’s softball team.
I can tell you that when I was seven years old my grandfather kept a bag of bite-sized Snickers under the seat of his red and black GMC pickup, but if you ask me the names of my wife’s co-workers I wouldn’t get past “Um…”.
I can remember every word from the book “A Separate Peace”, and recall deer hunting stories from Edwin Cooper’s column that he wrote five years ago. Yet my wife has to remind me what we have planned for the coming weekend five times.
I told you all that to tell you this. Sometimes when I’m at work I’ll have a few minutes to spare so I’ll play a game or look at Facebook on my phone. And every now and then, not often, someone will ask to be my friend on Facebook.
Now, let me tell you that I have right at 300 “friends” on Facebook. I know who about 20 of them are. What happens is that when someone sends a request, I go ahead and confirm it. Then every so often my wife will go through the list with me and re-remind me who everyone is.
Well, the other day I checked my phone and saw that two or three people requested that I “friend” them. I read the names, and as usual they sounded familiar but nothing special jumped out at me. So without thinking twice about it I went ahead and confirmed everyone on the list.
Ten minutes later my wife called me laughing so hard she could barely talk. I had confirmed the friendship of some porn sight, and everyone reading Facebook at the time saw that “ Shannon is now friends with so and so”. My wife didn’t recognize the name, so she looked at this lady’s profile and came across some pretty racy photos and comments. She said she knew it was a mistake, because I’m too old and out of shape to even think about doing some of the stuff this lady was suggesting we do together.
Well, all I can say is that’s one name and story I won’t be forgetting for a while. My wife will make sure of that, I’m afraid.
Love the column? Hate the column? Have an idea for a new column? Go to http://robconews.com/ or http://shannonscasta.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment or suggestion.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Let them work
A few things drove me crazy this week. The older and grumpier I get, the more that happens to me.
This whole immigration thing in Arizona is one of them. Arizona passed a law that says authorities can stop and question a person who they suspect of being an illegal alien. It doesn’t say they are going to stop a thousand people a day, or that they are going to racially profile anyone. It just says that they have the right to stop and question someone.
And now, of course, everyone in America is mad at the officials in Arizona , claiming they are insensitive and racist. People are marching and gathering together, actors and famous people are chiming in, even Major League Baseball is putting their two cents in.
You know who isn’t complaining, though? Most of the people of Arizona . And Arizona Border Patrol agents. And Arizona law enforcement officials who, by the way, I’m guessing are made up of Mexican Americans for the most part. I say that because I spend a pretty good bit of time in deep, deep South Texas by the border. And at least eighty percent of the law officers and Border Patrol agents that I see are Hispanic.
So I doubt they will abuse their privileges much at all. This law is probably more about curbing the drug flow, and keeping some of the violence that is happening on the other side of the border from coming over.
I really don’t see what’s so hard about it. If you get pulled over, pull out your card and show them that you are here legally. What’s so hard about that?
Sunday, the show “60 Minutes” had another story about immigration. Some company had a big canal built a few years back that carries water to all of the farming communities in southern California . The farming communities employ a lot of illegal immigrants to do the work in the fields, but on the way there a whole lot of immigrants are drowning in the canal. Something like six hundred in the last few years.
Listen, there is no way to say this without sounding insensitive- but so what? The reporter for “60 Minutes” made the company that built the canal sound like the criminal because they wouldn’t put safety features in the canal. It’s like they are telling someone to tie up their vicious dog so it wouldn’t bite anyone who breaks into their house.
Stories like this one, and the Arizona law that I talked about earlier, always forget to mention one thing. The people who are coming here illegally are breaking the law. Plain and simple, they are doing something illegal and that makes them criminals.
I’m all for people coming to this country to better themselves. This country was built from the work of immigrants, and we owe them a great deal. I can think of nothing harder than leaving my family for long periods at a time in order to make a better life for them. But nobody is telling them to come here illegally. We have laws and ways to help people come here the right way.
Listen, in the 50’s and 60’s, it wasn’t that big of a deal. But drugs and 9/11 changed all of that. Because law enforcement got so tough around Miami , most of the cocaine from Columbia now goes through Mexico . And the cartels there make their money from shipping it north to the U.S.
And I’m pretty positive that I read somewhere that almost every one of the terrorists of 9/11 came through Mexico to get here also, which is another reason that the Border Patrol needs all the help they can get.
The truth is, yes, I guess at some point some American citizen might feel like they are harassed just a little. But I’ve said a thousand times, you don’t hire Clint Eastwood to come clean up your town, then get mad when he shoots someone. We are asking the Border Patrol and law officials in border towns to do an impossible job, so let’s shut up and get out of their way so they can do it.
It’s just funny to me that the people who are holding rallies and doing all the fussing are from Washington , Austin , San Francisco , etc. Those people don’t have to live in Arizona , or protect their border.
Love the column? Hate the column? Have an idea for a new column? Go to http://robconews.com/ or http://shannonscasta.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment or suggestion.
A few things drove me crazy this week. The older and grumpier I get, the more that happens to me.
This whole immigration thing in Arizona is one of them. Arizona passed a law that says authorities can stop and question a person who they suspect of being an illegal alien. It doesn’t say they are going to stop a thousand people a day, or that they are going to racially profile anyone. It just says that they have the right to stop and question someone.
And now, of course, everyone in America is mad at the officials in Arizona , claiming they are insensitive and racist. People are marching and gathering together, actors and famous people are chiming in, even Major League Baseball is putting their two cents in.
You know who isn’t complaining, though? Most of the people of Arizona . And Arizona Border Patrol agents. And Arizona law enforcement officials who, by the way, I’m guessing are made up of Mexican Americans for the most part. I say that because I spend a pretty good bit of time in deep, deep South Texas by the border. And at least eighty percent of the law officers and Border Patrol agents that I see are Hispanic.
So I doubt they will abuse their privileges much at all. This law is probably more about curbing the drug flow, and keeping some of the violence that is happening on the other side of the border from coming over.
I really don’t see what’s so hard about it. If you get pulled over, pull out your card and show them that you are here legally. What’s so hard about that?
Sunday, the show “60 Minutes” had another story about immigration. Some company had a big canal built a few years back that carries water to all of the farming communities in southern California . The farming communities employ a lot of illegal immigrants to do the work in the fields, but on the way there a whole lot of immigrants are drowning in the canal. Something like six hundred in the last few years.
Listen, there is no way to say this without sounding insensitive- but so what? The reporter for “60 Minutes” made the company that built the canal sound like the criminal because they wouldn’t put safety features in the canal. It’s like they are telling someone to tie up their vicious dog so it wouldn’t bite anyone who breaks into their house.
Stories like this one, and the Arizona law that I talked about earlier, always forget to mention one thing. The people who are coming here illegally are breaking the law. Plain and simple, they are doing something illegal and that makes them criminals.
I’m all for people coming to this country to better themselves. This country was built from the work of immigrants, and we owe them a great deal. I can think of nothing harder than leaving my family for long periods at a time in order to make a better life for them. But nobody is telling them to come here illegally. We have laws and ways to help people come here the right way.
Listen, in the 50’s and 60’s, it wasn’t that big of a deal. But drugs and 9/11 changed all of that. Because law enforcement got so tough around Miami , most of the cocaine from Columbia now goes through Mexico . And the cartels there make their money from shipping it north to the U.S.
And I’m pretty positive that I read somewhere that almost every one of the terrorists of 9/11 came through Mexico to get here also, which is another reason that the Border Patrol needs all the help they can get.
The truth is, yes, I guess at some point some American citizen might feel like they are harassed just a little. But I’ve said a thousand times, you don’t hire Clint Eastwood to come clean up your town, then get mad when he shoots someone. We are asking the Border Patrol and law officials in border towns to do an impossible job, so let’s shut up and get out of their way so they can do it.
It’s just funny to me that the people who are holding rallies and doing all the fussing are from Washington , Austin , San Francisco , etc. Those people don’t have to live in Arizona , or protect their border.
Love the column? Hate the column? Have an idea for a new column? Go to http://robconews.com/ or http://shannonscasta.blogspot.com/ and leave a comment or suggestion.
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